Grr

I take it back. Being a real person sucks. Rochester has this thing called the mobile DMV, where they have a roving DMV office that's in a different place every day of the week. So I drive to the nearest place that's open on Thursdays, see no sign of a DMV, pop into a carpet selling store, and am informed that the mobile DMV hasn't been there in about three years. Great...

Fortunately, the carpet sellers are kind enough to look up the next nearest mobile DMV that's open on Thursdays. I drive there and have to stop and ask for directions again. It turns out that it's just across the street. You mean, you can't see it? After all, there's an 8 1/2 X 11 sheet of paper in the corner of the window that says DMV. Duh.

I go in. Hooray! No line!

Oops. Their computers are down, so they can't really do anything to help me. What was it I needed anyway?

I tell them that I need a NY license. "Oh no, we don't do drivers' licenses here. You have to go to the main branch." I resist the urge to demand to know what kind of DMV, mobile or otherwise, doesn't do drivers' licenses.

I try to register my car, which is tricky because my dad's still the owner. I pull out the paperwork that I had to foresight to have my dad print and sign back in Austin, along with a photocopy of his license.

"No, that's the wrong form. It's useless. You need this form, and this form, and we need the car owner's original signature here, and here, and here, so you're going to have to get him to mail it to you. No scans or faxes allowed. And you need 6 points of ID for the car owner. An out of state license is only worth 2 points."

I'm given a sheet of different forms of ID, from passports to utility bills, each with their own point values. A passport is worth 4 points, but after I call home, I learn that my dad's between passports right now since he just became a U.S. citizen, so we're going to have to cobble together some other plan. A work ID is 1 point, his naturalization certificate is 3 points, and his TX driver's license is 2 points. That makes 6 points!

Though it's all pointless.

The mobile DMV lady gives me (incorrect) directions to their main branch. After an unplanned detour on the Lake Ontario Parkway, I eventually find it inside a mall, stand in line for half an hour just to get a number, and am told that my estimated wait time is 4 hours and 29 minutes. It's recommended that I come back some other time, when it's not right before a holiday. I'm also told that I don't need to re-register my car because my dad's the owner, and if he's a Texas resident, the car can keep its Texas plates. If I get pulled over and a cop tries to ticket me, I can tell him that the DMV said it was okay.

Hooray! I call my dad. He points out that I still need to get the car inspected every year, and that my Texas inspection is about to expire. I tell him I'll be damned if I'm getting back in line to wait another half hour just to ask a question and head to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy curtains.

So, 3 hours after I left the house, no NY license and no proper car registration. But a new green curtain!

See how being a real person sucks?

On the plus side, I've already been invited to three BCS events from people I've never met: a gathering to watch So You Think You Can Dance, a BBQ, and a roller derby match.